LOVE IN A HEADSCARF: AN UNPALATABLE MOCKTAIL OF LOVE AND RELIGION

Love  and marriage have never gone out of fashion as a topic of a novel. Be it

“ Gone With the Wind” or  “Love Story” ;  “ Like Water for Chocolate”  or  my all time favourite “The Thorn Birds”. Love and marriage have been topics that has fascinated readers of every generation and every genre.

“Love in a Head Scarf” is a book that I  picked due to its attractive cover featuring a South Asian woman in a lovely flowing pink headscarf. This pulled me towards it. After a long time, here was a book that would not talk about , the poor hapless Muslim woman who is compelled by social norms to marry the man she does not want to, but about the Muslim woman who is librated and chooses  to walk her own path.  By the end I could not make up my mind about the “ Choosing your own path” bit of the novel.

Before I begin my review, let me admit that I am a very opinionated and verbose woman, especially when it comes to issues like religion, marriage and clothes and the role of society in dictating the norms in this regard. This review is hence written from the lens of a person who believes in the following:

1: Religion/ caste/ creed/ Nationality have nothing to do what-so-ever with getting married. Marriage is all about partnership and companionship and not about towing the parochial mentality that preaches ethnocentrism.

2: Love and Marriage happen, they cannot and should not be arranged. The concept of “Arranged Marriage” as it is applied in the South Asian context most often than not robs the individual of their choice. Yes the scenario is changing but  the pressure of making a decision after two- three meetings is so intense that the word “choice” loses its entire meaning.

3:  I have never been a big fan of getting married because it is the right thing to do. One continually evolves till the very last day of his/ her life. That said, I am of the firm opinion that your 20s are meant to know and discover  yourself. Only when you know who you are and what you want from life can you be ready to understand the other  in an intimate way that a bond like marriage requires.

4: Religion is a personal choice entirely.

 “Love in a Headscarf” is a memoir of  Shelina Zahra Janmohamed, A British-Indian modern Muslim woman   and her  decade long  search for a perfect partner. The story opens when Shelina is 19 years old and is getting ready to meet her first suitor Ali. It ends with Shilina having finally found the man of her dreams and getting ready on her D day.

The book that could have been an excellent source of knowing about the South Asian way of perceiving marriage as a community affair, ends up being poorly edited, repetitive and  totally devoid of structure. At the best the book comes close to numerous diary entries about bad first dates. The book has two parallel themes running. One being the constant hunt for “true love” and the other being Islam. The book does not treat religion, merely as religion, something that is reached out to by people when in need. The protagonist is a practicing Muslim, hence every act of hers, right from wearing a headscarf to choosing a partner, religion is an integral part of every life decision she takes.

That was my first  of many issues with this book. As an intelligent, smart, economically independent young woman  she would  put more emphasis on the compatibility of  thoughts rather than  the religion of the person. Shelina is every clear about one thing. She would marry a Muslim and only a Muslim. Were we not told that all humans are created equal. If God is one, how can HIS creations anything but one. Shelina  comes across as a woman who is witty and has  her own take on things. I would expect such a person also to be open minded , accepting and embracing  diversity.  However her constant monologue about one religion being the epitome of everything good  made me think if she was being ethnocentric.  The lack of  non- Muslim characters is also strange.  Barring a few names of people, who happen to be her colleagues , all the characters are Muslims, including Shelina’s friends.  This one-dimensional approach made me turn pages to verify if it was indeed taking place in Britain.

The other issue that I had with the book was its lack of structure and cohesiveness. It does not provide a clear time-frame. The reader keeps wondering the years the story could have taken place. It also keeps jumping from  one prime issue (  husband hunting) to another prime issue( connecting religion with everyday life). One moment  Shelina is talking to a seemingly charming suitor who loves cricket and the next moment we are being given a long  sermon on love and religion. These two tracks are often so separate from each other that  even if you skip the portions about religion, the main plot still remains intact.

One of the things I liked the most in this book was  the breaking of the stereotypical notion  of a “modern woman”. Modernity comes from ideas, thoughts and ideology and not from the way you dress. Dressing up conservatively also does not mean that you are apathetic towards the latest fashion trends.  A woman wearing a hijab is no less immune to fashion than a woman wearing a short- skirt and high heels.

There are other  moments in the book that are “saving graces”. Breaking free from the mould of a “good” Muslim woman  and doing things that makes one happy ( Like Shelina  buying a red racing car and climbing   Mount Kilimanjaro) .  Also seeing  Shelina’s parents who support their daughter whole heartedly in  various endeavours and never question her refusal of a suitor  is like a breath of fresh air. These are just the beginning of seeking out freedom and acceptance in society. I wish the book had explored more, had questioned  the system  more  that puts men and women on an unequal footing in every sphere. What the book is successful in doing is giving s gentle nudge rather than a push that it requires.

At the cost of sounding like a stuck record , I would say that love is not arranged, it happens. The whole process of “ arranging” a marriage is bereft of love. Financial stability, family history, caste and religion become the prime indicators in a process like this and poor love keeps waiting near the window for his chance.

“Love in a Headscarf” does not believe in ruffling a lot of feathers or bringing about revolution in a Muslim woman’s life, all it seeks to do is raise questions within the confines of cultural boundaries, pleading for answers, rather than demanding them.